First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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