Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
