He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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