Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
