wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
