I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
