the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
