I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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