apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
