...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize