I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
