So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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