my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
