You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
