And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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