guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
