...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
