I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The air was thick with penises
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
