someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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