youre lurking in front of me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
