Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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