oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
