she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize