My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
