i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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