I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
