I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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