bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
