so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
