"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
