I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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