Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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