Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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