woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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