3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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