I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
