My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
