Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
