you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Someone shattered a urinal.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
