All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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