fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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