No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
