Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
