All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
