I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize