literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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