ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
