he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
