I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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