You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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