You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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