I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize