i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
