Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
