I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
