I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
