you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were trust falling into bushes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
