I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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