my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
