Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
