my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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