I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
