are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
