He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
