I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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