The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
