you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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