i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
