just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
