Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize