She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
