She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
