she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
