So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
are you so shy because you have an std?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
