how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
