Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
