dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Your penis caused this!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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