I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
