if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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