i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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